7 Habits that Change Boys Into Men
Men and boys are facing challenges regarding identity, income, and worth in a relentless pursuit to figure out who they are, what they are here to do, and why.
With changing social and cultural definitions of what it means to be a man, guys are facing an identity crisis that causes many to stay emotionally, physically and romantically “boys”.
Some are calling it a masculinity crisis.
Others are saying the future of men/boys is doomed.
I like to think that this historic time that we’re in is actually a transition.
One that if met with empowerment, clarity, and confidence can yield a new definition of masculinity that is fully awakened and open.
If we are to let go of the outdated model of masculinity that we have now, boys need to learn and embody these 7 habits that’ll help them change from boys into fully awakened men:
1. FIND YOUR PURPOSE
Becoming a man, and fully transitioning into that state of mind, requires purpose.
Purpose is defined as a “person’s sense of resolve or determination.” And it is this determination that’ll frame how you view your masculinity.
Do you go forward pursuing a sense of justice?
Do you want to provide for your family?
Do you want to change the world?
Your sense of purpose can be as big or small, vague or defined, as you want it to be.
The main thing is that your sense of purpose will ground you and allow you to go forward in the world from a sense of accomplishment, knowing you are here to do something for the sake of others that is beyond yourself.
This helps reframe the ego and selfish attitudes that keep boys stuck in the child mode, constantly seeking their own self-gratification/validation, into men that serve others.
Going beyond yourself, in whatever feels right for you, helps you find your purpose.
2. BE ACTIVE (AND LAY OFF THE VIDEO GAMES)
All that purpose-driven action can also burn you out.
Being active counteracts that by helping raise testosterone levels as well as positive feelings that lead men into finding levels of completeness.
But more so, intense physical activity is a healthy way for boys and men to learn. Research has shown that short and intense spurts of activity helps develop the frontal lobe, which regulates behavior.
That’ll be needed as the onslaught of stress and the sedentary lifestyle of corporate America occurs.
Having an active lifestyle will help achieve this plus these additional benefits:
- Increased energy
- A healthy sex drive
- More enjoyment in life, career, relationships
- Healthy bones
- Fat loss
- Muscle gain
- Clarity and confidence
Which will help keep that masculine spirit of yours high!
3. TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
A core component of the masculine is the desire to be needed.
And it is this desire that turns boys into men.
More and more guys are staying in their home basements not wanting to do anything. When guys don’t feel like they have something to aspire to, thus taking personal responsibility for their life, they become apathetic and stay boys.
This limits their potential and their ability to produce.
Taking personal responsibility for your life, and not staying within a victim role or mentality, is the key to a healthy transition to manhood.
It is for this reason that men rise when something is being asked of them, taking on the challenge as a personal creed of fulfillment.
For a lot of guys this occurs during fatherhood. Men report that seeing their children for the first time gives them a deeper sense of meaning that their life is no longer theirs to live.
They now have another being to take care of!
While personal responsibility doesn’t have to mean just children, it does mean being emotionally, mentally, and financially secure if they are to have the best chance possible for a fulfilling life in their manhood.
4. SET YOUR BAR HIGH (AND LEARN TO FAIL FORWARD)
Boys think small; men think large.
And this is in regards to their aspirations and what they believe they can achieve.
By setting your bar high, and allowing yourself to taste the sweet rewards of success or the equally important bitter failure, boys develop the resiliency and character needed to sustain a strong sense of self.
Men don’ blame:
- The world for their circumstances.
- Their parents.
- Or their socio-economic status.
Men pursue their dreams, don’t let anything stop them, and chase after a life they want - whatever that may be.
And, trust me, it’s okay to fail a few times too through the process.
It’s only through that process that you can learn where it is that you need to go.
5. TAKE RISKS & CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT
No one ever gained anything by just sitting still and not doing anything.
Life is all about taking risks, understanding and learning where your boundaries lie, and creating the life you want.
Once you start, and begin achieving some success, the ensuing changes cause a ripple effect that shift how boys relate to themselves: they start to see that it is within their own personal power to create the life that they want.
Which is powerful!
Stop living someone’s else life.
Stop thinking you need to do something for the sake of doing it.
Find your creative potential that lives within you and take the risks needed to go out and create it, even if it is hard.
6. DEVELOP AN INTROSPECTIVE PRACTICE THAT WORKS FOR YOU
Prayer, journal writing, creative pursuits such as song writing, singing, or photography, all help us develop an introspective practice of gratitude, self-realization, and inspiration.
Plus, it gives the added benefit of connecting you to something outside of yourself.
Whatever the practice, find something that works for you.
A man needs a supporting practice to clear his own energy, support himself, and establish self-reliance as a key creed of his life.
This is a process, and whatever you decide to do will ultimately aid you in coming to a place of understanding how your masculinity shows up. Plus, it has the added benefit of creating your own "sacred space" where only you occupy it and no one else. It takes the "man cave" creed to a whole other level!
7. LEARN TO AUTHENTICALLY CONNECT
Men report fewer and fewer close relationships as they grow older.
Blame the crippling effects of capitalism and the need to produce and be at work 24/7 for killing personal connections; or blame the fact that boys never learned how to cultivate and maintain true friendship outside of horseplay or drinking games.
Whatever the reason, it’s literally killing men.
The truth is that most guys bond over activities.
Give guys a ball, frisbee, or rope, and all of a sudden you will have a random sport being played out within a competitive space. Well that’s all good in the moment, it never gives guys the ability to learn how to connect authentically with another guy outside that competitive space.
A true men, who embodies all the aforementioned characteristics, knows how to connect authentically with any guy outside of these strict social-normative conditions.
Achieving that is simply seeing the other guy as a potential friend than an adversary.
Bottom line: the lack of male role models as well as a process for transitioning from boy to men have left many young male adults in a state of crisis. The core behaviors of finding your purpose, being active, taking personal responsibility, and setting your standards high are part of a mindset shift that helps boys become men.